Lessons from the rear view mirror

We spend a lot of time driving. We drive to work and back home. We drive children to activities. We drive to meet friends and so on. 

We use the rear view mirror a lot. Every time we want to change lanes, we glance in the mirror to do a quick check. It helps us make decisions.

Every time we want to stop, we look at the rear view mirror. Is there anyone behind us? Can we stop now or is it wise to do so later? 

Each time we want to move forward, there is always that glance to the rear view mirror. Are we going in the right direction? Are we at risk to crash into someone?

In life too, we are constantly looking over our shoulder to the past.

When we want to change direction in life, we are transported to the past. We have flashbacks to times when we wanted to change  and didn't do well. Or we remember our past victories, and are motivated to drive further.

Each time we move forward, there is always our personal rear view mirror. Our past failures, successes, disappointments and experiences are always guiding our move forward.

But, what happens when that quick glance turns into a gaze, and then we dwell on the past and stay so rooted that we are unable to move? Or worse still, that it makes us crash.

What happens when we are moving ahead , and yet looking behind?

Would you be able to drive successfully if you looked in your rear view mirror instead of looking ahead?

Too often, individuals and organisations spend so much time in the past, that they do not realize they are blocking their own ability to move forward. 

Past failures and disappointments demotivate us, and fill us with fear. What if the situation repeats itself again? 

Past successes and accomplishments motivate us, but also fill us with expectations that things would happen exactly as they happened before.

Organisations too have people who have been there for many years, and say, "we have done this before. It won't work."Or, "This has been done before, and has worked. So let's keep at it, and don't rock the boat"

And yet, each situation is dynamic, unique, and demands a different perspective.

The past is rich with experience and lessons. While we need to learn from it, we also need to move ahead.

If only we keep coming back to the lessons we can learn from the rear view mirror, we will be alright.

Lesson # 1: It's always a glance; We always do a quick check. There is no dwelling, or longing. It's a tool to help us move forward or change direction. Similarly the past is there for us to learn from, and move ahead. Check in with your past, but move on.

Lesson # 2: The scenery changes; Life and situations are dynamic. The present is changing, and so is the past. What was the scenery a minute ago in your rear-view mirror is different now. What we see ahead is also not the same as it was just a while ago. While the past is a great reference point for the future, we have to treat each situation as unique, and reward it with a different perspective. Recognize that, and appreciate the scenery. It will change again! 

Lesson # 3: Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear; We always read this disclaimer. It guides us to remember that what we see is not exactly the way it is. Hindsight is like that. It glosses over the beautiful parts, and we remember the ugly ones. Or vice versa. We are so closely invested in our past that we lose objectivity, and only remember what we want to. It's always a great idea to remind ourselves of this disclaimer.

Our past is glorious, and has made us who we are. The future is ahead of us, and filled with amazing peaks to conquer. But it is really the present that is defining us now.

And as we navigate through the present, we have to decide, do we want to use the rear view mirror to take our attention off the road, or do we use it as a great tool to bring our focus back to our road, and zoom ahead in our journey.

Step back, Let go, Allow Life to flow..

It’s the first day of the New Year

Fresh dreams with an expiration date

So much to do, so little time!

I must have faith, I must visualize

And yet a tiny voice whispers inside.

Step back, Let Go….

Allow Life to flow…

I have a list of things I must do,

Of places I need to visit,

Peaks I need to scale,

And goals that simply must be met.

The voice gets a bit louder now.

Step back, Let Go….

Allow Life to flow….

If I step back, who will run the race?

To let go, do I have the grace?

If I allow life to flow…how will I grow?

Step back, Let Go!

Allow Life to flow!

The voice is loud now…

Almost an order, a diktat

Booming loud and clear over the worldly din

To my surprise, it’s coming from within….

I’m quiet now waiting to hear more.

Stepping back doesn’t mean you don’t try

Letting go doesn’t mean you give up

Allowing life to flow is the best way to grow.

Dream the most impossible dream.

Scale the highest mountain peak.

Try the hardest you have ever tried, and then some more.

But, when things don’t go as per plan,

Don’t lose hope, instead smile and rejoice

Trust that inner voice.

That’s telling you…

Step back, Let go..

Allow Life to flow…

Life’s best moments are made..

On detours that took your breath away.

That road you didn’t plan to take,

But life pushed you anyway

You resisted, sulked and complained

But went with the flow anyway.

You stepped back,  You let go

You Allowed life to flow..

It’s the first day of the New year

Fresh dreams with NO expiration date

So much to do, I know I have time!

I must have faith, I must visualize

And now the whisper becomes my mantra..

Step back, Let Go….Allow Life to flow…

Visualize your way to Success: Part two ; How do we visualize?

This is part two of a three part series on Demystifying Visualisation. In the first part, I wrote about what Visualization is and the first step to Visualization. This post talks about how to visualize what we want in our life.

Before we answer the question, “How do we visualize?” it is worthwhile to look at why visualization works.

Our brain thinks in images, pictures and feelings. When we think of the word chocolate, we might visualize our favourite chocolate, even smell it or go back to the last time we enjoyed the chocolate. That leads us to crave for more.

The best example of a successful experiment on Visualization was conducted on a group of high school basketball students. They were divided into the groups and were tested on how many free throws they could make.

After that, each group was given a different task for 30 days.

Group 1: Practice free throws for an hour daily.

Group 2: Only visualise themselves making free throws.

Group 3: Do nothing. Neither practice nor visualise.

After 30 days, their performance was evaluated, and they measured which group showed the most improvement.

Group 1: Improved by 24%

Group 2: Improved by 23%

Group 3: No improvement.

As expected, the third group did not improve. But the second group improved without even touching a basketball. That is the magic of Visualization.

Can you imagine the possibilities of combining practice and Visualization? What would it mean for us to combine our hard work with the power of Visualization?

The second and most important step to use Visualization is to Use all our senses.

Let’s go back to the example of my goal to study Hotel Management in the college of my choice.

I visualized myself inside that campus being a student and wearing the uniform. I also imagined how it would feel to be accepted there. I imagined being offered my acceptance letter and being welcomed there. 

I thought about how the place would smell and all the sights I would see there. I was already there in my mind. I was a student there before I even got accepted.

This may seem difficult, but it is not. Some of us may be able to visualise easily, some of us may feel easily. As you flex your visualization muscles, you will find it easier to imagine in great detail. Its important to use whatever sense you feel is your strength. Some may visualize. Some may write. Some may use sounds.

Some other methods of visualization also include:

• ·         Writing down what you see yourself achieving
• ·         Making a picture collage of your goals; putting together pictures of what you see yourself achieving.
• ·         Expressing gratitude for your achievement in advance.
• ·         Drawing what your success story would look like.

As children we have powerful imagination, which gets lost as we become adults. Visualization will let you tap into your imagination, and help you unshackle the limitations of your mind.

Think of yourself as an artist who has a blank canvas, and can fill it in with any detail, or any colour. 

Think of yourself as a chef who has complete freedom to combine any ingredient he wishes for.

Think of yourself as a music composer, who can put together any notes that he wants to create melodies.

You are the creator, and your creation is unique and right for you.

So go ahead, and fearlessly visualize in great detail, using all your senses. See yourself achieving your goal even before you have begun.

In our next post, I will write about letting go of the need to control the outcome, and some of the common pitfalls people succumb to when they visualize.

Till then, happy creating!

Visualize your way to Success!

I was barely 15 years old when me and my Dad were casually discussing career options. He mentioned Hotel Management to me. I was hooked, and found out information about it, and was convinced it was the career for me.

As I told him about my decision, he took me to the IHMCTAN, (Catering College) at Dadar, Mumbai. It was the best college in India. We stood across the road, and he told me something I will never forget.

“That is your college, and you are going to study there. Every day, visualize yourself on the other side of this road, and in that college, and you will get there.”

I didn’t know then. But he was teaching me the power of Visualization. After that day, whenever possible, I made it my route to pass this college. I would stand on the other side of the road, and see myself studying there.

More than a 100,000 students applied for that institute. I was one of the 180 who made it.

After that day, I have applied that technique to many more areas in my life, and taken it further with my Life coaching practice.

This is a three part post on demystifying visualization, and learning how to harness its true power.

What is Visualization?

Focused Day dreaming is the word that comes to mind. Day dreaming can take you anywhere you want, but may not get you somewhere. Focused Day-dreaming can take you exactly where you want to go.

Our mind thinks in images and pictures. Hence when we visualize something, we allow it to flow into our lives.

Visualization lets you savor what you want in your life, by receiving it even before you actually do!

Visualization is like watching a movie. You are the star of that movie, and you get to decide what you do or don’t do. 

This tool cuts loose all the fear and worry, and instead puts you in a positive head-space.

The first step to Visualization is

Decide what you want in any area of your life:  

In my case, I decided I wanted to study Hotel Management, and also in that particular college/institute.

It is important to decide what you want. If you go into a restaurant and tell the waiter to bring you anything, what would happen? You could end up getting something which you hate, or have an allergy to, or maybe get something you love. You are taking a chance. Hence it’s important to spell it out.

This is the first and most important step in visualization. You could choose any area in your life like health, relationships, love, career, children, and so on.

Some examples could be

Being Healthy by eating healthy, and exercising

The perfect job for me.

A loving relationship with my spouse/children/parents.

This sets in motion a path for you whereby, now you have a goal to work towards and visualize. Write this down somewhere, and see how you feel as you read it.

You can even work with 2 or 3 areas in your life.

Take your time to write these down, and reflect over them over a few days.

This was the first post of a three part post on demystifying Visualization. 

In our next post, we will talk about how to visualize what you want in your life.

Top Ten Tips to stay Present....

This is my final post of the 5 part series on The Art of being Present.

I started with a useful definition of being present as quoted in the book, Leadership Presence.

“The ability to be completely in the moment and flexible enough to handle the unexpected.”

In my previous posts, I talked about how to be completely in the moment, what is meant by flexibility and how to practice being flexible.

But how does one practice being present? How can we imbibe this as part of our daily lives, without eating into our packed schedule?

So here are my Top 10 Tips to practice the Art of being present.

1.     Breathe: Every now and then, whenever you remember, just stop and breathe. It may be a shallow breath, or a deep sigh, or just a quick breath. Just stop and breathe. Notice how your breathing is. Continue it for a few minutes, and check how you are feeling. This is the simplest way of bringing you back to the present.

2.     Stop and smell the roses: Take the time to observe nature around you. It could be looking at a leaf, or a tree from your window, or the rain falling, or the sound of rain falling. This simple act of observing, slows us down. It connects us with nature and ourselves, and consequently the moment.

3.     Pay complete attention to the task at hand: It could be anything that you are doing. An email that you need to write, A conversation you need to have, or a phone call that you must take. Multi-tasking takes you away from the present. Focus only on what you are doing at the moment. If it means keeping your phone away, while you have a conversation with your child, or giving your colleague your complete attention without glancing at your laptop, then do it.

4.     Drop your agenda: We all have our own agenda. Whether we talk to our boss, or subordinate, or our child, or our parent. Even when we are seemingly listening to them, we are forming our response, or wondering how our agenda can be unleashed on them. Dropping your agenda, will ensure you remain flexible to where the conversation is going. It doesn’t mean that you leave your agenda entirely. You could pursue it at the end of a fruitful conversation, or choose to discuss it at a later time. This helps you be flexible.

5.     Talk to yourself: No, I’m not crazy. But I’m still asking you to talk to yourself. We are constantly thinking, and at times unable to focus. There are a million thoughts running in our heads, which are either focused on the past or the future. At such times, your voice can bring you back to the present. Simply say to yourself,

I am completely in the present or

I am focused on this moment or

This moment is perfect, and I am completely immersed in it.

This will break the clutter of your thoughts, and bring you firmly to the present. Of course, be mindful of who is around you. If you are conscious, even writing it down, or typing it on your laptop works.

6.     Say Yes, and… : This is an excellent improvisation technique which allows you to build in on what the other person is saying. In order to use Yes, and..it is imperative that you have really listened to the person. So, stop using, No, but…and replace it with Yes, and!

7.     Embrace Uncertainty: We want to control everything in life, and map every movement. But, that’s not the way it always turns out. As the saying goes, Life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans. So, every once in a while, why not embrace uncertainty? Have some free time in your calendar? Leave it the way it is. Go with the flow. Spending time with the kids? Don’t schedule any activity with them, just follow their lead. Too much scheduling means you are living in the future. So, embrace uncertainty once in a while, and let go!

8.     Look people in the eye: This is another way to be completely in the moment, especially in our daily interactions and relationships. How often do we take the time to look people in the eye, and listen to them? I’m not asking you to stare at them. Just a genuine look into their eyes, as you communicate. Even if you are saying Thank you to someone, look them in the eye, and say Thanks. It will definitely make a world of difference to them, but will also help you deeply connect, and stay in the present.

9.     Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is the lens, through which all of life should be looked at. Saying Thank you for what you have in your life at this moment brings your focus back to the present. Too often, we are aiming to get somewhere, and we end up focusing on what we don’t have. Gratitude helps you shift perspective. Not only will you be more present to yourself, you will find yourself marveling at how rich your life really is.

10. Journal your feelings: Journalling, or writing a diary helps you take stock of your feelings and circumstances. We end up burying our own feelings, because we have to move forward in life. Or, we don’t really check in with ourselves on how we are doing, only to struggle later. Just spending a few minutes each day, writing down verbatim, and uncensored what you feel is not only therapeutic, but also helps you be in the present.

So, these are my Top 10 tips for being in the present. You don’t need to practice all of them everyday, but you are welcome to! Just as you would cook a dish for yourself, or make a cocktail for yourself, or even help yourself from a buffet, you can pick and choose what works for you.

Doing at least one of these tips everyday for 21 days, will help you build in the habit of being present. And once you have seen the benefits for yourself, and people around you, you will continue doing the same for life.

Stay present! Stay flexible!

Flex your way to flexibility

Welcome to part 4 on demystifying the practice of being present !

In my last post , I talked about what flexibility means. An important part of being present is being flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

It's important to note that it's not just about adapting to the situation, but also involves handling a dynamic and constantly evolving situation. 

But how can we practice flexibility in our daily life ? Are there any ways to flex those muscles to make us flexible ?

Being completely in the moment will prime you to be flexible. In order to make this as close to your second nature ,here are some activities you can do to practice being both present and flexible.

1) Complete the story ! 

This is a game I often play with my creative writing workshop participants and also use it as an ice breaker in training programs.

Let's imagine that there are five people playing the game. A, B, C , D and E.

They have to build a story. Each person has to contribute a line. However the line can only take off from where the earlier person stopped. 

A says: once upon a time , there was a fox.

Now it's B's turn to say the next line.

B says : The fox decided to take ballet lessons.

C says : He wanted to become the worlds best ballet dancer

D says : but , then there was a big problem..

And so on..... 

By the time it's E's turn the story has evolved . But everyone has to stay clued in and present. The story has to start where the earlier person left off. If E doesn't listen to what D said and tried to think of his own line,it won't work. 

Try it with your team , kids, or friends. Not only does it help you be present flexible and creative , it will also generate a few laughs. 

2) Say Yes, and ....

This is a technique borrowed from the world of improvisational comedy. When two comedians volley with each other , they both have to remain open to whatever the other said. They have to work with it. 

So they always say Yes , And ... 

They add to it and give the partner something back to work with. There is no negation , no belittling and no ego.

Most of us say No a lot. We also say No, but....

Or we say I agree but... 

These are just different ways to say No. And it probably means that while the other person was speaking , we were already forming a response in our head. 

Saying Yes , and ...means we are present , listening and are committing to working with others by being open and flexible to their opinions. 

Here are some examples  of how to use this...

Your husband says: I am so tired , I can't take the kids for their soccer game tomorrow. 

Instead of saying, You tired?? I'm the one  who slaves all day at work and home. I ask you to do one thing and you can't do it! 

Take a deep breath and say: 

yes , I understand and I have a prior commitment tomorrow. How should we work this out ?

Or your boss says:

You need to pick up your speed of work , I understand the project is lagging behind. 

Instead of saying , No , it's not me! I'm not delaying it. There are a dozen people involved . You should check with them as well..

Try saying : yes, and I am totally committed to this project . I would like to take you through a status report for this project to help us understand the delays. 

Not only do we practice being present by understanding what the person is saying, but we are flexible enough to handle the situation and remain open to all points of view. 

Try these two Simple exercises , and in no time you will find yourself more present, flexible and also open to different solutions.

In the next and final post on this topic, we will do a quick recap of being present.

Until then ,

Stay present , stay flexible !

Flexibility and presence of mind !

This is the part three of a five part blog post on Being present .

In my first blog post , I talked about what is the meaning of being present and outlined an important definition.

In my second blog post, I shared some ways to be completely in the moment at in our daily lives . 

Today, we will uncover the second  part of the definition of being present : flexibility .

To recap,

Being present involves:

1) being completely in the moment 

2) being flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

Reading about flexibility as being an important part of being presence intrigued me. In some way, they seemed opposites of each other. However I soon realised that both complement each other . 

To understand what we mean by flexibility we can visualise a simple game being played. 

Imagine you and two others are playing catch. You stand in a circle and you are player A. There are also players B and C.

The objective of the game is to catch the ball once a person throws it to you. 

B is supposed to throw to C, C to you (A) and you to B. This is the sequence which you all agree to follow.

This goes on for a while , and you settle into the game comfortably. 

Suddenly , B decided to shake things up. Instead of throwing to C, he passes it to you . 

What happens next , depends on where your attention was. Were you present to the game ? Or were you lost in your thoughts as you Knew it wasn't your turn to catch the ball. 

How flexible were you to handle this unexpected twist? Did you catch the ball or did you get a hard knock on your head ? 

The unexpected brings you back to the present. The presence helps you handle the unexpected. That's why they complement each other so beautifully. 

Maybe that's why it's called presence of mind. 

The game of catch is played by all of us many times during the day. We attend numerous meetings , are part of discussions , email exchanges and so on. 

Observe yourself as you go through the day's activities. Does being in the moment help you be more flexible to handle the unexpected ? 

The only way to find out is to try it! For the next few days observe how you are in all your interactions.

In the next blog post, I will share some fun activities to help you build your flexibility.

Stay present, stay flexible