Top Ten Tips to stay Present....

This is my final post of the 5 part series on The Art of being Present.

I started with a useful definition of being present as quoted in the book, Leadership Presence.

“The ability to be completely in the moment and flexible enough to handle the unexpected.”

In my previous posts, I talked about how to be completely in the moment, what is meant by flexibility and how to practice being flexible.

But how does one practice being present? How can we imbibe this as part of our daily lives, without eating into our packed schedule?

So here are my Top 10 Tips to practice the Art of being present.

1.     Breathe: Every now and then, whenever you remember, just stop and breathe. It may be a shallow breath, or a deep sigh, or just a quick breath. Just stop and breathe. Notice how your breathing is. Continue it for a few minutes, and check how you are feeling. This is the simplest way of bringing you back to the present.

2.     Stop and smell the roses: Take the time to observe nature around you. It could be looking at a leaf, or a tree from your window, or the rain falling, or the sound of rain falling. This simple act of observing, slows us down. It connects us with nature and ourselves, and consequently the moment.

3.     Pay complete attention to the task at hand: It could be anything that you are doing. An email that you need to write, A conversation you need to have, or a phone call that you must take. Multi-tasking takes you away from the present. Focus only on what you are doing at the moment. If it means keeping your phone away, while you have a conversation with your child, or giving your colleague your complete attention without glancing at your laptop, then do it.

4.     Drop your agenda: We all have our own agenda. Whether we talk to our boss, or subordinate, or our child, or our parent. Even when we are seemingly listening to them, we are forming our response, or wondering how our agenda can be unleashed on them. Dropping your agenda, will ensure you remain flexible to where the conversation is going. It doesn’t mean that you leave your agenda entirely. You could pursue it at the end of a fruitful conversation, or choose to discuss it at a later time. This helps you be flexible.

5.     Talk to yourself: No, I’m not crazy. But I’m still asking you to talk to yourself. We are constantly thinking, and at times unable to focus. There are a million thoughts running in our heads, which are either focused on the past or the future. At such times, your voice can bring you back to the present. Simply say to yourself,

I am completely in the present or

I am focused on this moment or

This moment is perfect, and I am completely immersed in it.

This will break the clutter of your thoughts, and bring you firmly to the present. Of course, be mindful of who is around you. If you are conscious, even writing it down, or typing it on your laptop works.

6.     Say Yes, and… : This is an excellent improvisation technique which allows you to build in on what the other person is saying. In order to use Yes, and..it is imperative that you have really listened to the person. So, stop using, No, but…and replace it with Yes, and!

7.     Embrace Uncertainty: We want to control everything in life, and map every movement. But, that’s not the way it always turns out. As the saying goes, Life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans. So, every once in a while, why not embrace uncertainty? Have some free time in your calendar? Leave it the way it is. Go with the flow. Spending time with the kids? Don’t schedule any activity with them, just follow their lead. Too much scheduling means you are living in the future. So, embrace uncertainty once in a while, and let go!

8.     Look people in the eye: This is another way to be completely in the moment, especially in our daily interactions and relationships. How often do we take the time to look people in the eye, and listen to them? I’m not asking you to stare at them. Just a genuine look into their eyes, as you communicate. Even if you are saying Thank you to someone, look them in the eye, and say Thanks. It will definitely make a world of difference to them, but will also help you deeply connect, and stay in the present.

9.     Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is the lens, through which all of life should be looked at. Saying Thank you for what you have in your life at this moment brings your focus back to the present. Too often, we are aiming to get somewhere, and we end up focusing on what we don’t have. Gratitude helps you shift perspective. Not only will you be more present to yourself, you will find yourself marveling at how rich your life really is.

10. Journal your feelings: Journalling, or writing a diary helps you take stock of your feelings and circumstances. We end up burying our own feelings, because we have to move forward in life. Or, we don’t really check in with ourselves on how we are doing, only to struggle later. Just spending a few minutes each day, writing down verbatim, and uncensored what you feel is not only therapeutic, but also helps you be in the present.

So, these are my Top 10 tips for being in the present. You don’t need to practice all of them everyday, but you are welcome to! Just as you would cook a dish for yourself, or make a cocktail for yourself, or even help yourself from a buffet, you can pick and choose what works for you.

Doing at least one of these tips everyday for 21 days, will help you build in the habit of being present. And once you have seen the benefits for yourself, and people around you, you will continue doing the same for life.

Stay present! Stay flexible!

Flex your way to flexibility

Welcome to part 4 on demystifying the practice of being present !

In my last post , I talked about what flexibility means. An important part of being present is being flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

It's important to note that it's not just about adapting to the situation, but also involves handling a dynamic and constantly evolving situation. 

But how can we practice flexibility in our daily life ? Are there any ways to flex those muscles to make us flexible ?

Being completely in the moment will prime you to be flexible. In order to make this as close to your second nature ,here are some activities you can do to practice being both present and flexible.

1) Complete the story ! 

This is a game I often play with my creative writing workshop participants and also use it as an ice breaker in training programs.

Let's imagine that there are five people playing the game. A, B, C , D and E.

They have to build a story. Each person has to contribute a line. However the line can only take off from where the earlier person stopped. 

A says: once upon a time , there was a fox.

Now it's B's turn to say the next line.

B says : The fox decided to take ballet lessons.

C says : He wanted to become the worlds best ballet dancer

D says : but , then there was a big problem..

And so on..... 

By the time it's E's turn the story has evolved . But everyone has to stay clued in and present. The story has to start where the earlier person left off. If E doesn't listen to what D said and tried to think of his own line,it won't work. 

Try it with your team , kids, or friends. Not only does it help you be present flexible and creative , it will also generate a few laughs. 

2) Say Yes, and ....

This is a technique borrowed from the world of improvisational comedy. When two comedians volley with each other , they both have to remain open to whatever the other said. They have to work with it. 

So they always say Yes , And ... 

They add to it and give the partner something back to work with. There is no negation , no belittling and no ego.

Most of us say No a lot. We also say No, but....

Or we say I agree but... 

These are just different ways to say No. And it probably means that while the other person was speaking , we were already forming a response in our head. 

Saying Yes , and ...means we are present , listening and are committing to working with others by being open and flexible to their opinions. 

Here are some examples  of how to use this...

Your husband says: I am so tired , I can't take the kids for their soccer game tomorrow. 

Instead of saying, You tired?? I'm the one  who slaves all day at work and home. I ask you to do one thing and you can't do it! 

Take a deep breath and say: 

yes , I understand and I have a prior commitment tomorrow. How should we work this out ?

Or your boss says:

You need to pick up your speed of work , I understand the project is lagging behind. 

Instead of saying , No , it's not me! I'm not delaying it. There are a dozen people involved . You should check with them as well..

Try saying : yes, and I am totally committed to this project . I would like to take you through a status report for this project to help us understand the delays. 

Not only do we practice being present by understanding what the person is saying, but we are flexible enough to handle the situation and remain open to all points of view. 

Try these two Simple exercises , and in no time you will find yourself more present, flexible and also open to different solutions.

In the next and final post on this topic, we will do a quick recap of being present.

Until then ,

Stay present , stay flexible !

Flexibility and presence of mind !

This is the part three of a five part blog post on Being present .

In my first blog post , I talked about what is the meaning of being present and outlined an important definition.

In my second blog post, I shared some ways to be completely in the moment at in our daily lives . 

Today, we will uncover the second  part of the definition of being present : flexibility .

To recap,

Being present involves:

1) being completely in the moment 

2) being flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

Reading about flexibility as being an important part of being presence intrigued me. In some way, they seemed opposites of each other. However I soon realised that both complement each other . 

To understand what we mean by flexibility we can visualise a simple game being played. 

Imagine you and two others are playing catch. You stand in a circle and you are player A. There are also players B and C.

The objective of the game is to catch the ball once a person throws it to you. 

B is supposed to throw to C, C to you (A) and you to B. This is the sequence which you all agree to follow.

This goes on for a while , and you settle into the game comfortably. 

Suddenly , B decided to shake things up. Instead of throwing to C, he passes it to you . 

What happens next , depends on where your attention was. Were you present to the game ? Or were you lost in your thoughts as you Knew it wasn't your turn to catch the ball. 

How flexible were you to handle this unexpected twist? Did you catch the ball or did you get a hard knock on your head ? 

The unexpected brings you back to the present. The presence helps you handle the unexpected. That's why they complement each other so beautifully. 

Maybe that's why it's called presence of mind. 

The game of catch is played by all of us many times during the day. We attend numerous meetings , are part of discussions , email exchanges and so on. 

Observe yourself as you go through the day's activities. Does being in the moment help you be more flexible to handle the unexpected ? 

The only way to find out is to try it! For the next few days observe how you are in all your interactions.

In the next blog post, I will share some fun activities to help you build your flexibility.

Stay present, stay flexible

3 simple ways to BE In the moment !

In my earlier post , I wrote about what being present really means.

To recap , it consists of two important steps;

1) To be completely in the moment

2) To be flexible enough to handle the unexpected.

There are many exercises available for being completely in the moment. I found that sometimes , I was either too busy or too preoccupied to sit down and attempt any of them. So, here are three simple ways to practice being completely in the moment in the course of your normal day.

1) Be completely in the moment in your relationships :

The next time, your child, spouse, parent friend , boss or colleague is talking to you. Put everything away , especially your phone. Make eye contact with them , and listen to each word, observe the body language and give them the gift of listening unconditionally. Each time you get distracted with your own thoughts , bring yourself back to the words, the face of your loved one. 

Don't worry about what what you are going to respond to them . 

Each time you do this with your relationships , you will find that you will grow richer, and your relationships deeper. 

2)Take a minute to smell the roses :

 

Nature has a wonderful way of bringing us completely in the moment. There are ample opportunities that we get to look at and marvel at nature. It could be a tree in your backyard , or looking at the sky from your balcony or gazing at the stars.

At any moment in the day, whereve you are , take a look around. Can you see the deep blue sky, or a plant or a tree? You could be in a cab or your car or in a restaurant and even at work. Take a long hard look at nature, observe the colour, think about how it makes you feel. 

It could be for a few seconds or even a few minutes. 

The simple act of observing brings you back to the present moment , and helps you stay completely in that moment. Oh! And it's a great de-stressor too!

3) Breathe!!!!!

Yes , I know. Your yoga teacher has told you this a million times.

We often forget to focus on our breath especially when we are stressed. 

We are juggling million things in our hands and to top it all we are holding our breath. 

Every once in a while , just breathe consciously. It may be a shallow breath or it may be a deep one. It doesn't matter. Just breathe. It may be the wrong way or the right way. Just breath.

It's the simplest way to bring yourself back and completely in the moment. And you can go back to what you were doing with renewed focus. 

There is no magic formula . Do this X times a day or at a particular time. Do it whenever you can. What's important is you try it. 

In my next post, we will talk about how to be flexible to handle the unexpected. This is an important part to being completely present .

Till then, maintain eye contact , stop and smell the roses , and breathe !!!

Stay present ! Stay flexible !

Being present !!

Mindfulness and being "Present" are the buzz words all around. They are being talked about in schools , companies and by every leadership guru worth his / her salt. 

As a Life coach , I practice and teach being present . I recently read Thich naht hanh's book on Mindfulness practices and found it very easy to follow the exercises .

But I understand , that to a large majority , being present seems very intangible and very difficult to demystify. It was for me too. 

While reading the book " Leadership Presence " by belle Linda halpern and Kathy Lubar, I came across this wonderful definition of being present :

The ability to be completely in the moment and flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

So , to understand what being present means, one must simply understand and follow the two principles as are laid out in the above definition :

1) Be completely in the Moment :

Let's take an example. You are driving to work, and are already thinking about your day ahead. You are also dropping your kids to school and they start talking to you about something that they are excited about. It's not important for you, and it doesn't seem to bother your child too much. It's just your child chatting away. So you figure, hey I can listen and drive and plan my day ahead. You keep nodding absent mindedly , and the last thing you hear as your child gets off the car is , 

" ok , so you will download that app for me right, even though it's a paid one ! Thanks, you are the best !"

Your mind screeches to a Halt and you are brought back to this moment . When did I agree to that ??

Being completely in the moment simply means giving your undivided attention to the task at hand. So if you are driving , you are driving . If you are talking to your child , you are focused on your child , his words, his eyes etc. 

This is the first step in being present . Stopping yourself and paying undivided attention to the task at hand. 

2) Flexible enough to handle the unexpected :

Flexibility is an important skill in life. It determines how we deal with obstacles , and uncertainties of which there are plenty in life. 

Let's take the same example as above. If you are driving , and completely focused on driving . Your child wants to chat and you tell him . Let's talk later , I need to focus on the drive. 

And suddenly , a car swerves ahead of you, and overtakes you . But there is traffic ahead and it suddenly slows down. It takes you by surprise , and you manage to calm your nerves and slam the brakes just in time to avoid a collision.

You were present , and you were flexible.  

Had you not been present , would you still have been as flexible to take the action necessary ?

Being present does not simply mean staying in the moment endlessly. The world is dynamic and our path is changing. How we react to it affects whether we achieve our goals .

Therefore, being flexible enough to handle thre unexpected is the second part of being present .

You cannot reach step 2 effectively , unless you reach step 1.

Read this definition again. Let the words sink in and think about how it makes sense to you.

In the next post , I will share simple exercises to practice being in the moment .

Stay present , stay flexible !

10 tips to make a winning Elevator Speech

An Elevator Speech can give you that extra edge, that dose of self -esteem, and win you that business deal without even trying.

Read here to find out what an elevator speech is, and why is it important?

Use these 10 tips, and make a winning Elevator Speech:

Focus on the Solutions and Benefits you provide others:  

You are not selling yourself, or a product or service. You are selling a benefit to someone. You are providing a solution to someone’s problems. So instead of saying, I sell cosmetics, it can be, I provide the tools to women to step out daily with confidence.

Talk about what makes you UNIQUE: 

What sets you apart from the competition? What is your unique selling proposition? What uniqueness do you bring to the table? This is a crucial component of your Elevator Speech. For eg. I help people reach their highest potential using the power of their own thoughts!

Keep it Short and Simple:  

Stick to short sentences and simple words. Using jargon will only confuse your audience.

          I help people reach their highest potential using the power of their own thoughts!

Make this sentence shorter

I help people reach their highest potential by using powerful thinking.

Use Uplifting, Positive Encouraging Words: 

Use words with positive energy such as inspire, empower, powerful, confidence etc. This will instill energy in your elevator speech and inspire you and others.

Work on it MANY times:  

Make many versions of your elevator speech before you finalise it. And each time you work at it, keep refining it. Say it aloud to see how it sounds.

STAY TRUE TO YOUR HEART: 

Don’t try and be something you are not. It will show through in your elevator speech if you are uncomfortable. Stick to what your heart tells you, and use words that ring true.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE: 

Once you have completed your final draft, practice it aloud many times. In front of the mirror, with family. It should become a part of your system. The trick is to belt it out comfortably and yet not sound rehearsed.

START USING IT NOW  and WHEREVER YOU GO!!! 

Don’t wait for the next networking forum, or the next big event to use your elevator pitch. Use it at a party, or at your grocery store, or anywhere where someone asks you, So, What do you do? This is the only way you will get it in your system.

HAVE DIFFERENT VERSIONS: 

We do many multiple roles. I like to have a few different elevator speeches which highlight different aspects of my work at different times. For eg when I want my coaching to be at the forefront, I may use a different one. When I want my writing to be highlighted, I would have a different one.

HAVE FUN! 

Most importantly, Have FUN while making it. That way, when you do say it, It won’t sound rehearsed or gawky or uncomfortable. Remember there is NO right or wrong way to make an elevator speech. It just has to convey the essence of who you are.

So, go ahead, pick up your pen, start typing, Make your Elevator Speech right now.

5 Simple Tips to boost your Self-Esteem

Self-worth. Self Esteem. Self Love.

Three interchangeable  and connected phrases.

How do you feel about yourself? 

Do you think you are worthy of all the good things in life?

Or do you feel unloved by yourself?

Self Worth, Self Esteem, and Self love affect our confidence and the way we approach life.

Imagine a day, when you feel frumpy, have a bad hair day, and feel bloated. If you were to walk in a party, would you scurry in unnoticed or would you waltz in like you own the place?

The good news is that we can change the way we feel about ourselves. And that too without changing ourselves. We just need to alter the way we think.

Here are my Top 5 tips to help you feel good about yourself

1)  Make a list of your Achievements: Sit down and make a list of all the things you are proud of about yourself. List EVERY accomplishment, whether small or big. The first five minutes may be difficult, but soon the words will flow. Look at the list, and enjoy the feeling.

2)Pat yourself on the back: You work hard at what you do, and sometimes all you really need is a pat on the back. Yes, do the physical act of patting your back. So take your right palm, and pat your left shoulder, and tell yourself , GOOD JOB! Repeat with your left hand! And feel your positivity rise!

          

      3)Maintain an Appreciation Journal: At the end of every day, write down at least ONE thing that you did well. Appreciate yourself for anything big or small on a daily basis. Complement this with Tip # 2, and you will be falling in love with yourself all over again.

      4)Appreciate one person each day: When we appreciate someone, we are training our brain to look for the goodness in others. Hence it changes the way we look at ourselves too. Appreciate a new person every day for one thing that they did. Write someone an email, or look them in the eye, and say Good Job, or give someone a hug or a pat on the back. Not only will your popularity soar, but so will your confidence.

      5)Practice a Random act of Kindness: The act of helping someone is empowering. There is something about putting someone else’s needs ahead of ours which makes us smile. Do at least one every day!

So Go ahead, Start this journey of self –appreciation and self-love TODAY.  And remember to give healthy doses of encouragement along the way! It will pave the way for a more confident and empowered YOU!