Flexibility and presence of mind !

This is the part three of a five part blog post on Being present .

In my first blog post , I talked about what is the meaning of being present and outlined an important definition.

In my second blog post, I shared some ways to be completely in the moment at in our daily lives . 

Today, we will uncover the second  part of the definition of being present : flexibility .

To recap,

Being present involves:

1) being completely in the moment 

2) being flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

Reading about flexibility as being an important part of being presence intrigued me. In some way, they seemed opposites of each other. However I soon realised that both complement each other . 

To understand what we mean by flexibility we can visualise a simple game being played. 

Imagine you and two others are playing catch. You stand in a circle and you are player A. There are also players B and C.

The objective of the game is to catch the ball once a person throws it to you. 

B is supposed to throw to C, C to you (A) and you to B. This is the sequence which you all agree to follow.

This goes on for a while , and you settle into the game comfortably. 

Suddenly , B decided to shake things up. Instead of throwing to C, he passes it to you . 

What happens next , depends on where your attention was. Were you present to the game ? Or were you lost in your thoughts as you Knew it wasn't your turn to catch the ball. 

How flexible were you to handle this unexpected twist? Did you catch the ball or did you get a hard knock on your head ? 

The unexpected brings you back to the present. The presence helps you handle the unexpected. That's why they complement each other so beautifully. 

Maybe that's why it's called presence of mind. 

The game of catch is played by all of us many times during the day. We attend numerous meetings , are part of discussions , email exchanges and so on. 

Observe yourself as you go through the day's activities. Does being in the moment help you be more flexible to handle the unexpected ? 

The only way to find out is to try it! For the next few days observe how you are in all your interactions.

In the next blog post, I will share some fun activities to help you build your flexibility.

Stay present, stay flexible

3 simple ways to BE In the moment !

In my earlier post , I wrote about what being present really means.

To recap , it consists of two important steps;

1) To be completely in the moment

2) To be flexible enough to handle the unexpected.

There are many exercises available for being completely in the moment. I found that sometimes , I was either too busy or too preoccupied to sit down and attempt any of them. So, here are three simple ways to practice being completely in the moment in the course of your normal day.

1) Be completely in the moment in your relationships :

The next time, your child, spouse, parent friend , boss or colleague is talking to you. Put everything away , especially your phone. Make eye contact with them , and listen to each word, observe the body language and give them the gift of listening unconditionally. Each time you get distracted with your own thoughts , bring yourself back to the words, the face of your loved one. 

Don't worry about what what you are going to respond to them . 

Each time you do this with your relationships , you will find that you will grow richer, and your relationships deeper. 

2)Take a minute to smell the roses :

 

Nature has a wonderful way of bringing us completely in the moment. There are ample opportunities that we get to look at and marvel at nature. It could be a tree in your backyard , or looking at the sky from your balcony or gazing at the stars.

At any moment in the day, whereve you are , take a look around. Can you see the deep blue sky, or a plant or a tree? You could be in a cab or your car or in a restaurant and even at work. Take a long hard look at nature, observe the colour, think about how it makes you feel. 

It could be for a few seconds or even a few minutes. 

The simple act of observing brings you back to the present moment , and helps you stay completely in that moment. Oh! And it's a great de-stressor too!

3) Breathe!!!!!

Yes , I know. Your yoga teacher has told you this a million times.

We often forget to focus on our breath especially when we are stressed. 

We are juggling million things in our hands and to top it all we are holding our breath. 

Every once in a while , just breathe consciously. It may be a shallow breath or it may be a deep one. It doesn't matter. Just breathe. It may be the wrong way or the right way. Just breath.

It's the simplest way to bring yourself back and completely in the moment. And you can go back to what you were doing with renewed focus. 

There is no magic formula . Do this X times a day or at a particular time. Do it whenever you can. What's important is you try it. 

In my next post, we will talk about how to be flexible to handle the unexpected. This is an important part to being completely present .

Till then, maintain eye contact , stop and smell the roses , and breathe !!!

Stay present ! Stay flexible !

Being present !!

Mindfulness and being "Present" are the buzz words all around. They are being talked about in schools , companies and by every leadership guru worth his / her salt. 

As a Life coach , I practice and teach being present . I recently read Thich naht hanh's book on Mindfulness practices and found it very easy to follow the exercises .

But I understand , that to a large majority , being present seems very intangible and very difficult to demystify. It was for me too. 

While reading the book " Leadership Presence " by belle Linda halpern and Kathy Lubar, I came across this wonderful definition of being present :

The ability to be completely in the moment and flexible enough to handle the unexpected. 

So , to understand what being present means, one must simply understand and follow the two principles as are laid out in the above definition :

1) Be completely in the Moment :

Let's take an example. You are driving to work, and are already thinking about your day ahead. You are also dropping your kids to school and they start talking to you about something that they are excited about. It's not important for you, and it doesn't seem to bother your child too much. It's just your child chatting away. So you figure, hey I can listen and drive and plan my day ahead. You keep nodding absent mindedly , and the last thing you hear as your child gets off the car is , 

" ok , so you will download that app for me right, even though it's a paid one ! Thanks, you are the best !"

Your mind screeches to a Halt and you are brought back to this moment . When did I agree to that ??

Being completely in the moment simply means giving your undivided attention to the task at hand. So if you are driving , you are driving . If you are talking to your child , you are focused on your child , his words, his eyes etc. 

This is the first step in being present . Stopping yourself and paying undivided attention to the task at hand. 

2) Flexible enough to handle the unexpected :

Flexibility is an important skill in life. It determines how we deal with obstacles , and uncertainties of which there are plenty in life. 

Let's take the same example as above. If you are driving , and completely focused on driving . Your child wants to chat and you tell him . Let's talk later , I need to focus on the drive. 

And suddenly , a car swerves ahead of you, and overtakes you . But there is traffic ahead and it suddenly slows down. It takes you by surprise , and you manage to calm your nerves and slam the brakes just in time to avoid a collision.

You were present , and you were flexible.  

Had you not been present , would you still have been as flexible to take the action necessary ?

Being present does not simply mean staying in the moment endlessly. The world is dynamic and our path is changing. How we react to it affects whether we achieve our goals .

Therefore, being flexible enough to handle thre unexpected is the second part of being present .

You cannot reach step 2 effectively , unless you reach step 1.

Read this definition again. Let the words sink in and think about how it makes sense to you.

In the next post , I will share simple exercises to practice being in the moment .

Stay present , stay flexible !

10 tips to make a winning Elevator Speech

An Elevator Speech can give you that extra edge, that dose of self -esteem, and win you that business deal without even trying.

Read here to find out what an elevator speech is, and why is it important?

Use these 10 tips, and make a winning Elevator Speech:

Focus on the Solutions and Benefits you provide others:  

You are not selling yourself, or a product or service. You are selling a benefit to someone. You are providing a solution to someone’s problems. So instead of saying, I sell cosmetics, it can be, I provide the tools to women to step out daily with confidence.

Talk about what makes you UNIQUE: 

What sets you apart from the competition? What is your unique selling proposition? What uniqueness do you bring to the table? This is a crucial component of your Elevator Speech. For eg. I help people reach their highest potential using the power of their own thoughts!

Keep it Short and Simple:  

Stick to short sentences and simple words. Using jargon will only confuse your audience.

          I help people reach their highest potential using the power of their own thoughts!

Make this sentence shorter

I help people reach their highest potential by using powerful thinking.

Use Uplifting, Positive Encouraging Words: 

Use words with positive energy such as inspire, empower, powerful, confidence etc. This will instill energy in your elevator speech and inspire you and others.

Work on it MANY times:  

Make many versions of your elevator speech before you finalise it. And each time you work at it, keep refining it. Say it aloud to see how it sounds.

STAY TRUE TO YOUR HEART: 

Don’t try and be something you are not. It will show through in your elevator speech if you are uncomfortable. Stick to what your heart tells you, and use words that ring true.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE: 

Once you have completed your final draft, practice it aloud many times. In front of the mirror, with family. It should become a part of your system. The trick is to belt it out comfortably and yet not sound rehearsed.

START USING IT NOW  and WHEREVER YOU GO!!! 

Don’t wait for the next networking forum, or the next big event to use your elevator pitch. Use it at a party, or at your grocery store, or anywhere where someone asks you, So, What do you do? This is the only way you will get it in your system.

HAVE DIFFERENT VERSIONS: 

We do many multiple roles. I like to have a few different elevator speeches which highlight different aspects of my work at different times. For eg when I want my coaching to be at the forefront, I may use a different one. When I want my writing to be highlighted, I would have a different one.

HAVE FUN! 

Most importantly, Have FUN while making it. That way, when you do say it, It won’t sound rehearsed or gawky or uncomfortable. Remember there is NO right or wrong way to make an elevator speech. It just has to convey the essence of who you are.

So, go ahead, pick up your pen, start typing, Make your Elevator Speech right now.

5 Simple Tips to boost your Self-Esteem

Self-worth. Self Esteem. Self Love.

Three interchangeable  and connected phrases.

How do you feel about yourself? 

Do you think you are worthy of all the good things in life?

Or do you feel unloved by yourself?

Self Worth, Self Esteem, and Self love affect our confidence and the way we approach life.

Imagine a day, when you feel frumpy, have a bad hair day, and feel bloated. If you were to walk in a party, would you scurry in unnoticed or would you waltz in like you own the place?

The good news is that we can change the way we feel about ourselves. And that too without changing ourselves. We just need to alter the way we think.

Here are my Top 5 tips to help you feel good about yourself

1)  Make a list of your Achievements: Sit down and make a list of all the things you are proud of about yourself. List EVERY accomplishment, whether small or big. The first five minutes may be difficult, but soon the words will flow. Look at the list, and enjoy the feeling.

2)Pat yourself on the back: You work hard at what you do, and sometimes all you really need is a pat on the back. Yes, do the physical act of patting your back. So take your right palm, and pat your left shoulder, and tell yourself , GOOD JOB! Repeat with your left hand! And feel your positivity rise!

          

      3)Maintain an Appreciation Journal: At the end of every day, write down at least ONE thing that you did well. Appreciate yourself for anything big or small on a daily basis. Complement this with Tip # 2, and you will be falling in love with yourself all over again.

      4)Appreciate one person each day: When we appreciate someone, we are training our brain to look for the goodness in others. Hence it changes the way we look at ourselves too. Appreciate a new person every day for one thing that they did. Write someone an email, or look them in the eye, and say Good Job, or give someone a hug or a pat on the back. Not only will your popularity soar, but so will your confidence.

      5)Practice a Random act of Kindness: The act of helping someone is empowering. There is something about putting someone else’s needs ahead of ours which makes us smile. Do at least one every day!

So Go ahead, Start this journey of self –appreciation and self-love TODAY.  And remember to give healthy doses of encouragement along the way! It will pave the way for a more confident and empowered YOU!

      

Why Gratitude makes us happy........

My mother went to the Government Office to liquidate her National Savings Certificates. As the clerk handed the cheques, my mother thanked her profusely. The clerk stopped and gave a big smile. Nobody thanks us. If we slip up, they are quick to create a scene. But nobody thanks us for anything. “You made my day” she told my mother.

Gratitude is often mistaken for just common courtesy. And yet we are found lacking. In our busy lives, we fail to say thank you to the waiter who got us water, a stranger who stopped to let us pass, or a friend who compliments us for nice clothes. Our responses vary from “It’s his job” to “It’s my right to go first”, “or isn’t it nice, I bought it from….”

And yet Gratitude is much deeper than common courtesies. Gratitude is a lens to view our world. If viewed with a lens of gratefulness, the world seems better, the people in our lives more helpful, and our troubles insignificant.  If viewed with ungratefulness or cynicism, our world seems unjust, full of scheming people, and our troubles larger than life.

We know the theory and the benefits. Yet I know from experience that wearing the lens of gratitude takes persistence and practice. It is easy to look at all the things that go wrong, or to make a list of all the people to blame.

So how can we start? How can we wear this lens all the time? Or at least, most of the time.

My favourite is a simple exercise. Take a page of blank paper. Write “My gratitude List “at the top.

And now write. Think of all the things big and small to be grateful for. Think of the situations in your life that make you happy. Think about your relationships. Think about people who have helped you. Think of opportunities you got. Think of your last vacation. Think of something you are grateful for at work.

When I do this, At first I find that I am daunted by the blank page. I need to fill this? But then, as I write one, two and three things, I find that, soon I am scribbling away to glory.

So even if nothing comes to mind, persist. Stay with the page. Stay with the gratitude. Fill that page, no matter how long it takes.

The process of writing this list and then reading it brings to life all the wonderful things that are happening in our lives.  And truly, there are wonderful things happening all around. If we can only, pause long enough.

I like to carry my list in my wallet, or paste it on my display board. It helps me focus. It helps me move on quickly from my disappointments and my frustrations.

Shawn Achor from Harvard talks about the Happiness Advantage in this Ted talk. Watch it here.

 According to him, practicing the below 5 things for 21 days can rewire us for a positive attitude and happiness.

·         3 Gratitudes everyday.

·         Journaling

·         Exercise

·         Meditation

·         Random Acts of Kindness

So the next time, a waiter brings you a glass of water, Say thank you. If a stranger allows you to pass, stop and smile at him. Not only will you make somebody’s day, but it’s the secret to a happier you.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall!!

Last week I read an article on Mirror Fasting.  Was I reading this right? Some women bloggers tired of their reflections, and some tired of being vain stopped looking in the mirror for a few days. The result; they felt more comfortable with themselves.

Sociologists argue that Mirror Fasting is just another way of re-inforcing our vanity. According to them, it does more harm than good, and is at best a very temporary solution.

In my opinion, Mirror fasting is a way of avoiding ourselves. If we were comfortable with our self image, looking into the mirror would always make us feel good.  It would make us smile irrespective of how we looked, or whether we had a bad hair day.

So, the question is not, “Does Mirror Fasting help?” but “What can I do to feel better about myself always?”

As a Heal your Life Workshop Trainer, one of the techniques (pioneered by Louise.L.Hay) we teach people is Mirror Work. Mirror Work is the opposite of Mirror Fasting. It involves looking in the mirror and making friends with what you see.

Can you look in the mirror and say “Hey, I like you”

On a day when you are feeling fat and bloated, can you look at yourself and say, “I know you are not perfect, but I still like you!”

Mirror Work involves going beyond looking at physical attributes, and appreciating our whole self, exactly as we are.

I like to call it going on a Mirror Binge!

So what’s a Mirror Binge?

Each time you look at the mirror, say powerful uplifting words to yourself.

For e.g.,

You are a wonderful person!

You are a beautiful person on the inside and the outside!

You are beautiful exactly the way you are!

I love you, just the way you are!

Now Mirror Work takes some practice, and a lot of guts. Imagine having a bad hair day, and still telling yourself, “You look great”. It is not just about liking ourselves but about accepting us for who we are in that moment.

However, with patience and persistence, it is a surefire way to long lasting confidence and increasing self-worth.

As we grow more comfortable with the way we look, we also influence the way people look at us. My favourite example is of the picture above. When a cat walks into the room thinking she is a lion, people admire her majestic grace. If the same cat, thinks she is a squeaky tiny mouse, people ignore her presence.

So, try going on a Mirror Binge! Make the Mirror your best friend.

This is the only binge you can do without any negative side effects!